Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword - Chapter 84
Chapter 84 - A Sudden Revelation
Lin ShiYin fell silent for quite some time, then she lifted her head.
The expression on her face had suddenly become very peaceful, "There won't be any chance that we'll see each other in the future again."
Sun XiaoHong knotted her brows and said, "Why?"
"Because ... because I am leaving for a very far away place." Lin ShiYin said.
"You ... do you have to go?" Sun XiaoHong said.
"I must!" Lin ShiYin said.
"But why?" Sun XiaoHong said.
"I've already made up my mind." Lin ShiYin said.
Sun XiaoHong couldn't say anything to that.
Lin ShiYin smiled and said, "My biggest weakness has always been my indecision. This might be the first time that I've ever made up my mind. I just hope that no one will try to convince me otherwise."
"But ... but this is the first time that we've met. You should at least let me see you again, there's still so much that I want to talk to you about." Sun XiaoHong said.
Lin ShiYin thought for a while and said, "Very well. I will see you here again tomorrow, in the early morning."
And with that, Lin ShiYin left.
It felt as if Sun XiaoHong was the only person left in the entire world.
She hadn't shed a single tear the entire time, but now her eyes started to water.
She had also made up her mind.
As long as Li XunHuan survived, she would bring him here.
Since the first time that she met Li XunHuan, she had decided that she would devote her entire life to him.
She has never wavered from that decision.
But now, she felt that she had been too selfish. So she decided that she would sacrifice her own happiness!
Because she felt that Lin ShiYin needed him much more than she did!
"The two of them have suffered too much already, they have every right to be happy. No matter what I will try my best to bring the two of them back together."
"She had always been his, no one should ever separate them."
"Long Xiao4Yun can't, he was never good enough for her!"
"But I ..."
She made up her mind to not think about herself. She bit down on her lips, wiped away her tears, and said to herself, "Even if I want to cry, it'll have to wait until tomorrow. There is still much for me to do today ..."
She lifted her head.
Everything was pitch black, it was deep into the night.
But if the dark night is upon us, the bright light of day can't be far away.
There are some who say that there are only two kinds of people in this world: good and evil.
Lin XianEr could definitely be classified as the evil type, but what about Lin ShiYin and Sun XiaoHong?
Although they were definitely good people, the two of them were very different.
When problems or hardships arose, Lin ShiYin would just endure, and endure ...
She felt that a woman's greatest virtue was to endure!
But Sun XiaoHong was different. She would always resist!
As long as she felt strongly against something, she would fight it!
She was resolute, smart, brave, and full of confidence. She was never afraid to love, nor to hate. And if you were to search her entire being, you would never find a single dark or gloomy spot.
It's because of people like her that there is humanity in this world, that it unyieldingly progresses.
"The women in this world guide the future of the human race."
This saying definitely applied to her.
"As long as I go look for him again, no matter what, he will still come crawling back to me."
"Without me, there's no way that he can live on."
Was Lin XianEr really that confident?
She had every right to be, she knew that Ah Fei was madly in love with her.
But where was Ah Fei right now?
"He must still be in that little house, because that house was 'our home'. My belongings are still there, my essence is still in that house."
"He must be there waiting for me to return."
Lin XianEr suddenly felt much more relaxed.
"He probably hasn't been doing anything these past two days except drinking wine. He's probably made a big mess out of the house by now. He probably hasn't even moved those corpses yet."
When she thought of this, Lin XianEr didn't dare to furrow her eyebrows.
"But no matter, once I see him, he'll be dying to do anything I ask of him. I needn't lift a finger at all."
Lin XianEr let out a sigh of relief. When a woman like her hits rock bottom, but there's still a place that she can escape to, a person patiently waiting there for her to come back, she felt incredibly overjoyed.
"I really have been too cruel to him in the past, I was really pushing him over the edge. I'm going to have to treat him differently from now on."
"Men are like little children. If you want them to behave, you have to give them their candy."
She suddenly felt extremely warm inside her heart.
"Come to think of it, he really isn't a very dislikeable or annoying person. He's probably much better than most of the men I've met in my life."
Lin XianEr came to the realization that she did feel a certain amount of love towards Ah Fei.
If there was anyone in her life who she sincerely had feelings for, it would be Ah Fei. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how lucky she was when Ah Fei was by her side.
"I really should treat him better from now on. Men like him are extremely rare in this world, I'm afraid I may never find another one like him."
And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she must not let go of him.
Perhaps she had always been in love with him, and it was just that he was so much more in love with her that she took everything for granted.
If he wasn't so deeply in love with her, perhaps she would've wanted him more back then.
This is one of our weaknesses, one of the contradictions of human nature.
That is why smart men never show their feelings towards the women they love, instead they keep it all inside.
"Ah Fei, please don't worry. From now on I will never hurt you again, and I will stay by your side each and every day. Let's forget all about the past and start over again."
"Just as long as you treat me as you did in the past, I will listen to your every word from now on."
But would Ah Fei still treat her the same as before?
Lin XianEr wasn't so sure of herself anymore, her confidence was slowly waning.
She had never felt like this before, because she had never realized how important Ah Fei was to her. She didn't even want to care whether Ah Fei would treat her well or not anymore.
Only when a person really wants to obtain something will that person be afraid of losing it.
This constant desire and dissatisfaction is one of the many weaknesses of humans.
The sad thing is, the more you desire something, the greater your dissatisfaction may ultimately be.
Lin XianEr lifted her head and saw the desolate house alongside the small road.
There were lights inside the house.
She stopped in place and tore off a piece of her sleeve and washed her face in the rain. Then she gently combed through her hair with her fingertips.
She didn't want Ah Fei to see her in such miserable state.
Because she really couldn't afford to lose him again.
The lights were very bright inside the house.
A candle was set on the table.
There was a large pot of porridge next to the candle.
The house wasn't as dirty or messy as Lin XianEr had imagined. The corpses were nowhere in sight, the blood stains had been washed away, everything was spotlessly clean.
Ah Fei sat next to the table, slowly sipping on a bowl of porridge.
He always ate very slowly because he knew that food shouldn't be taken for granted. That's why he ate slowly to savor each and every bite.
But he didn't really seem like he was enjoying himself much right now.
He had a bitter expression on his face as if he was forcing himself to eat.
Why did he have to force himself to eat? Was it because he was simply trying to stay alive?
It was late into the night.
A single person sat facing a lonely candle, slowly sipping on porridge.
If you never saw it for yourself, you wouldn't realize how sad and lonely this scene was.
The door slowly swung open.
Lin XianEr stood in the doorway looking at him.
The instant that she saw Ah Fei, she felt an incredible warmth flood through her entire body.
She didn't even know herself that she was capable of feeling this way.
Because her blood had always been cold.
Ah Fei didn't notice that someone had come into the house. His head was still lowered slowly sipping on that bowl of porridge. The porridge seemed like the only thing that was relevant in the entire world.
But the muscles in her face looked like like they had stiffened.
Lin XianEr couldn't help but call out softly, "Little Fei ..."
Her voice was still as soft and sweet as ever.
Ah Fei finally started to lift his head and looked at her.
His eyes were still very bright, was it because of tears?
Lin XianEr seemed a little teary-eyed as well, "Little Fei, I've returned ..."
Ah Fei didn't move, nor did he speak.
He looked like he had been frozen still and was unable to move at all.
She slowly walked towards him and said, "I knew that you would be waiting for me, because I've finally realized that you're the only one who is truly good to me in this world."
She didn't use any tricks this time.
She actually spoke from the heart. Her feelings for Ah Fei were real.
"I see now that everyone else was just using me ... and that I was just using them as well. I really never minded that they were just using me. But no matter how bad I treated you, you were still always true to me." Lin XianEr said.
She didn't notice the change on Ah Fei's face.
Because she was getting closer and closer to him, so close that she didn't see clearly what she should have been seeing.
"I've decided that I'm never going to deceive you ever again, and that I won't hurt you ever again. No matter what it is that you want, I will listen, and I will promise ..." Lin XianEr said.
*PENG*, the chopsticks in Ah Fei's hands suddenly snapped.
Lin XianEr took his hand and placed it on top of her chest.
Her voice was sweeter than honey.
"I really have wronged you in the past. I will try my best to make it up to you in the future. I want you to feel that no matter how well you treat me, that it was all worth it in the end." Lin XianEr said.
Her chest was warm and soft.
Anyone who put their hands on her chest would not be able to take it off.
But Ah Fei suddenly pulled his hand away.
A wave of shock suddenly shot through her eyes, "You ... you ... don't want me anymore?"
Ah Fei just looked at her silently, as if it was the very first time that he had ever seen her.
"Everything I've said to you is the truth. Although I've been with other men in the past ... I've never felt anything for any of them before, it was all fake ..."
Her voice suddenly stopped, because she finally saw the look on Ah Fei's face.
Ah Fei looked like he wanted to vomit.
Lin XianEr took two steps backwards and said, "You ... you don't like it when I tell the truth? Would you rather me lie to you again?"
Ah Fei looked straight at her for a long while and then said, "There's one thing that I find very strange."
"What?" Lin XianEr said.
Ah Fei slowly stood up and said slowly and clearly, "How I ever fell in love with a woman like you!"
Lin XianEr felt her entire body freeze still.
Ah Fei didn't say another word.
He didn't have to say anything else, that one sentence was enough.
That one sentence was enough to send Lin XianEr into the bottomless abyss.
Ah Fei slowly walked out.
A person who suffers an innumerable amount of pain, insult and ridicule definitely will not just keep taking it.
A person can tolerate lies, but a person can only tolerate so much insult - that is the case for women, and it is the same for men.
It is the same for a wife, and the same for a husband.
Lin XianEr just felt her heart sinking, and sinking ...
Ah Fei had already opened the door.
Lin XianEr suddenly turned around and threw herself at his feet, she pulled at his sleeves and said sobbingly, "How can you just leave me like this ... you're all I have left now ..."
But Ah Fei did not turn around.
He slowly took off the shirt that she was pulling onto.
He walked out barechested into the rain.
The rain was very cold.
But the rain was very clean.
He had finally let go of Lin XianEr, he had finally freed himself of the shackles that held his heart. It was like he had finally thrown away an old and worn out shirt.
Lin XianEr was still clenching firmly onto that shirt, because she knew that there really was nothing else that she could hold onto.
"In the end you'll realize that you have nothing, and that your life is completely empty ..."
Her tears started to flow.
At that point she finally realized that she had been in love with Ah Fei all along.
Perhaps she tormented him because she loved him, and because she knew that he loved her.
"Why do women choose to torment the men that they loved most?"
She only realized now just how important Ah Fei was to her.
Because now, she had lost him.
"Why do women take things so lightly, only realizing how important they are when they've lost it?"
Perhaps men are like this as well.
Lin XianEr started laughing madly as she tore Ah Fei's shirt to pieces.
"What am I afraid of, I'm still young and beautiful - as long as I want I can have as many men as I want ... I can have ten different men a day."
She was laughing, but her laughter was more sorrowful than tears.
Because she knew that altough men were easy to come by, 'true love' could not be bought with beauty and youth.
What was Lin XianEr's fate?
She seemingly disappeared from this world.
Two, three years later in ChangAn's most famous brothel, there appeared an extremely unique prostitute. She didn't ask for money, all she wanted was men.
Rumors say that she serviced at least ten men a day.
At first a lot of men were very interested in her, but as time passed the men that came to her were less and less.
It wasn't simply because she aged very quickly, but because people slowly realized that she wasn't human. She was a mother wolf that devoured men whole.
Not only did she enjoy breaking her men, the torture that she inflicted upon herself was even more vicious.
Some people claimed that she was once 'the most beautiful woman in the world', Lin XianEr.
But she herself never admitted to it.
Several years later, in one of the most rundown slums in ChangAn, there appeared another peculiar woman who had become rather famous.
She was famous not because of her beauty, but because of her ugliness, her unbelievable ugliness.
The funny part was that when she was drunk she would often proclaim that she was 'the most beautiful woman in the world'.
Of course no one believed her.
The rain was freezing cold.
Although the cold rain soaked Ah Fei from head to toe, he felt extremely refreshed. Because that cold rain made him realize that he wasn't a piece of dead lumber. It was the first time in two years that he felt so alive.
In addition, he felt very relieved, as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
There was someone calling out to him in the distance, "Ah Fei ..."
The voice was very low, he probably wouldn't have heard it a couple of days ago.
But now, his eyes were no longer blind, and his ears were no longer deaf.
He stopped and asked, "Who is it?"
A person rushed over towards him, two long pigtails, one big pair of eyes.
It was a beautiful young girl, she looked slightly beat up and tired.
Sun XiaoHong had finally found him.
She ran up to his face and said, panting, "You don't recognize me anymore ..."
Ah Fei interrupted her and said, "I remember you, I saw you once two years ago. You were really good at talking. I also saw you two days ago, but you didn't say a word."
Sun XiaoHong smiled and said, "It looks like your memory is pretty good."
Her heart felt very relieved, because she noticed that Ah Fei was standing, and he was standing very tall.
"Some people can still get up no matter how many times they've been knocked down."
Li XunHuan and Ah Fei really were kindred spirits, she thought to herself.
He knew what she would ask.
But she didn't say anything, she just didn't know how to put it.
"Feel free to say anything you want, because you are Li XunHuan's friend." Ah Fei said.
"Have you seen her?" Sun XiaoHong said.
"Yes." Ah Fei said.
"Where is she?" Sun XiaoHong said.
"She has nothing to do with me, why would you ask me for?" Ah Fei said.
In the past, whenever somebody would bring up Lin XianEr, he would always feel an indescribable giddiness, even her name had a strange hold on him.
But now he seemed very calm.
Sun XiaoHong stared at him and then let out a sigh of relief, "So you really have escaped from your shackles."
"My shackles?" Ah Fei said.
"Everyone has their own cage and shackles, but only a few people in this world can free themselves from them." Sun XiaoHong said.
"I don't understand." Ah Fei said.
"You don't have to understand, just as long as you can do it." Sun XiaoHong said.
Ah Fei was quiet for a long while and then said, "I understand now."
"You really do understand? ... Then let me ask you, how did you free yourself from those shackles?"
Ah Fei paused for a long time, then smiled and said, "I had a sudden revelation."
'A sudden revelation', although this sounded very simple, to do so in actuality was quite hard.
When the Buddha achieved Enlightenment under the Bodhi tree, he had a sudden revelation as well.
Bodhidharma meditated for nine years before he had a sudden revelation.
Whatever the case was, when you had a sudden revelation, your mind will be freed from its troubles. But before reaching that point, your mind was bound to experience countless trials and adversity.
"You must have suffered greatly before you had come to your revelation." Sun XiaoHong said.
Ah Fei didn't seem to want to talk about that anymore and suddenly asked, "Did he tell you to come look for me?"
"No." Sun XiaoHong said.
"Where is he?" Ah Fei said.
Sun XiaoHong fell silent. Her smile disappeared as well.
"How is he right now?" Ah Fei asked urgently.
Sun XiaoHong's expression sunk as she said, "Honestly speaking, I have no idea where he is right now, and I have no idea whether he is dead or alive either ..."
Ah Fei's face changed colors, "What do you mean by that?"
"I know that I can probably find him, but his life ..." Sun XiaoHong said.
"What about his life?" Ah Fei said.
Sun XiaoHong looked at him and said, "His life and death rests solely in your hands!"